Raising Cain - Dan Kindlon, PhD & Michael Thompson, PhD

This was a tough one to get through, not because the book isn't worth reading, but because it was very similar to the first book I reviewed, Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. This book focuses on the emotional mis-education that many boys receive and offers solutions on how to raise emotionally competent boys who grow up to be confident, successful and emotionally open men. The book uses a lot of case studies from actual meetings that the authors had, which I found interesting, but also a bit overdone. Also, as my boy is only a toddler, many of the chapters dealing with all the things that can go wrong including drugs, depression, anger, suicide, violence, etc. I found a bit too far out in front of me. I will likely have to revisit these chapters in a decade or so.

I did enjoy reading about the importance of strong relationships, and their impact on boys as they mature into men. I already feel that maintaining a close and caring relationship with my 2 year old is often challenging. I have a hard time balancing discipline with allowing him the space to explore the world, and exhaust some of his endless energy without becoming exhausted myself. I want so much to love every little bit of him and to provide him with a safe environment where he feels love, security, and is encouraged to become himself. I feel that this book has a lot of good advice on how to do that. My favorite passage in the book reads:

"We have to teach boys that there are many ways to become a man; that there are many ways to be brave, to be a good father, to be loving and strong and successful. We need to celebrate the natural creativity and risk taking of boys, their energy their boldness. We need to praise the artist and the entertainer, the missionary and the athlete, the soldier and the male nurse, the store owner and the round-the-world sailor, the teacher and the CEO. There are many ways for a boy to make a contribution in this life."

If anything, I think that this book helped me to realize that the best way to help my toddler become a man is to let him first be a boy. The kind of boy who likes to eat worms, climb on cars, carry on friendly conversations with adults he doesn't know, wrestle with his dad, run from bush to bush chasing monsters, run to me when he is hurt, play in the sand, open the fridge and eat half a chocolate cake without asking, and give me suckerfish kisses.