Raising Boys - Steve Biddulph

I have a 2-year-old boy who is constantly bouncing off the walls, whacking bushes with sticks, growling like a bear, hissing like a snake, spilling, messing, and grabbing anything and everything he shouldn't. Some days are better than others, but it is rare that a day goes by without both entertainment and irritation. He can fly off the handle and then into my arms for a big hug within seconds.

Any thoughts I had favoring nurture over nature flew out the window the second that he uttered his first word, "helicopter". Huh? I clearly don't get it. I grew up a tomboy playing football and cutting the hair of the few barbie dolls I owned. My friends were boys, I played with boys, and I avoided girls. And I still don't get it. My confusion and frustration in raising my son have bubbled lately and have sent me scrambling for literature to calm my soul, my son, and my home.


RAISING BOYS, Steve Biddulph
Why Boys Are Different - and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

My husband returned home with this book from the library the day after a particularly rough day with our son. I was starting to question whether his energy levels were "above average", and words like ADD, ADHD and hyperactivity were starting to swirl through my head. I figured before I took drastic steps such as removing all wheat and sugar from his diet or sending him off to the military and requesting an early entrance exception, I should do a bit of reading.


I found this book to be incredibly insightful, particularly if you find yourself being pulled in by some of the terms I have used to describe my own son. I felt reassured that my son is actually quite normal for a 2+ boy (not to say that all hyperactivity or other behavioral problems can be written off with a "boys will be boys" mentality). That knowledge alone allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief and work on loosening up with him a bit. In my quest to figure out how to best educate a boy, I found the following to be the most useful tidbits or impressions I came away with:

• Boys typically do not develop hand coordination (affecting handwriting) or maturity as quickly as girls. What follows is that boys who attend school in a co-ed classroom are compared to their female counterparts which may lead to an early sense of inadequacy.


• Male mentors become an essential part of keeping boys grounded in their pre-teen and teen years when they are pulling away from their parents and trying to establish independence, but are also yearning for guidance.


• Fathers matter. In addition to having some great information for my husband, it was important for me to remember this in terms of allowing my husband the leeway to develop his own relationship with our son even if his way of bonding/ playing/ working/ disciplining is different from mine.

Things that make me go hmmmmm:

• As a christian and a big believer in the human ability to make choices and develop self-discipline, I didn't agree with some of his assertions with regard to masturbation, pornography and sexuality. My view is to steer clear, way clear (not of sexuality of course). That said, I realize that there are some very physical aspects to these topics that, as a woman, I probably have a hard time understanding so I will probably avoid real consideration of these issues for as long as I can.

Discussion
I am leaning more and more toward the idea that boys and girls would both benefit from the absence of a co-ed environment. Additionally, I would like to see more male teachers in the classroom during the early years. As I mentioned earlier, I really believe that nature plays a HUGE part in gender identity and as such, I think that even women like myself who think they understand boys really don't/can't. The differences in interests, energy and organization levels are real and both genders deserve the understanding of same-gender role models. It seems that in public education particularly, the men have all but disappeared from elementary schools. Other than increasing salaries, are there any great programs out there focused on bringing men back to schools?